Drumroll... 🥁 no more ratings
A wee change of tack today! I’m binning the sniffy marks-out-of-10 rating for these teardowns.
I mean, I still stand by the idea that the recipient of an email is ideally placed to judge its effectiveness. But I am in the throes of some mid-30s soul searching and as such I’ve decided to put Judgement with a capital J aside for a while. (Shout out to all the others down here in this rabbit hole ✌)
So. Onwards to today’s teardown, sniffy rating free.
It all started with the hunt for a rare and delicious pillow spray…
If you enjoy this teardown, please consider flicking it on to someone else who’d get a lot out of it. Had it forwarded to you? Subscribe for free to get the next one.
I anonymise the sender out of courtesy. Have a hunch? Guess away.
---------- Forwarded message ----------
Subject line: “We'll let you know if your product comes back in stock”
Sweet relief! For once it seems the “notify me” form on a website product page actually goes somewhere. I am irrationally pleased to be getting this email.
“We'll let you know
We're sorry you couldn't find what you were looking for today.”
With a what now? We’ll let you know we’re sorry you couldn't find what you were looking for today?
Reading it again…
We’ll let you know we’re sorry you couldn't find what you were looking for today?
Oh brain, behave.
There’s an issue here with the header “we’ll let you know”. For headers to work, they must *either* contain a complete thought *or* flow seamlessly into the thought that follows *or* be followed by what is obviously the start of a new thought. In the instance above, the header flows grammatically but not semantically into the next sentence. The result? Confusion.
“Our Partners are currently working hard with our suppliers to improve stock levels, as we're experiencing very high demand on some products. We'll keep an eye on this item and email you if it becomes available again.
If we don't restock it, we'll also be in touch to let you know.”
Yay! Hang on, when will you decide if you’re not restocking this pillow spray? When should I abandon hope? This bit of the email is sort of helpful but WHEN do I give up my dream of falling asleep in a cloud of lavender and sacred wood (whatever that is)?
---------- End ----------
The takeaway:
You’ve probably heard that people often scan online content rather than reading it word by word. This has fuelled the wayward use of headers and subheaders.
Sometimes headers and subheaders help, sometimes they hinder.
Content templates are a curse because they present these things as building blocks to chuck into your copy without much care. They also cause a piece of content to look “finished”, even when you've left some questions unanswered.
Never draft a message using a template – you’ll fail to spot the comprehension risks.
Draft it in a word document or note app. Without any formatting. Startlingly bland. Like an un-sprayed pillow.
Cheerio,
Corissa
P.S. In these teardowns I mix my gut reaction as a customer with my background as a writer and marketer. The goal is to explore how messaging really lands out there in the real world. I’m only a sample size of one, so I’d love to hear your take. Agree? Disagree? Hit reply!
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